Flashback Mode

Another year goes by, another end-of-the-year time is upon us, when all media channels and newspapers put up their self made flashbacks about the year gone , and God save us this year!, the "decade" gone by too!. We have the "Top 10" movies/fashion trends/personalities/tech gizmos/ scientific breakthroughs and even the biggest forgettable moments of the year!. Its instant eye-grabbing "news", splashed across the front pages of newspapers or telecast at prime time on news channels. Its memory recall time for the public. When one reads or watches these things- we wonder- "that happened this year!".. "that movie i liked so much, how come its not on the list?".

Well, im going to make my list too, called "top 5 things i loved about this year" Here goes..

1. Getting my first decent paycheck. Making enough money to live out of. Its about time, i'd say!

2. Learning a whole new subject that is a unexplored dungeon for most other doctors. Oncology is a warehouse that never runs out of new machines rolling into the foyer each day!

3. Getting back to working in the wards after a 8 month hiatus- doing justice to my degrees.

4. Living out of a hotel room for 2 whole weeks!.. in amchi Mumbai!..

5. Being the DINK couple (Double Income No Kids!) and enjoying the togetherness with few responsibilities.

Dates Go By..

As the years of our lives fly by, dates of importance to us change as well. For a long time, in fact all my childhood, the day 31st Oct was a very special day for me. It was my "best" friend's birthday. It meant buying an expensive gift for her, spending all day with her, watch movies back-to-back, and perhaps an evening dinner or party. But these days, its like any other day. Its been a few years since i have met my friend. In our life's worries and routines there is hardly any time for ol' friends any more!

I remember one 6th of March, quite some time ago- thats my grandparent's wedding anniversary. I remember when that year, my brother and me, both kids, walked up to a small gift shop in the neighborhood to buy a handy alarm clock for our grandparents. I still have that clock. It needs to be wound up everyday to keep it going. We never celebrated my grandparents anniversary again.

During all my college days, every friend's birthday was a treat indeed. An excuse to party, a reason to hit the theaters or just go out together in our motorcade of bikes and cars to newest restaurant on the block just to chill out. Nowadays, i barely make the effort to scarp them a message online, forget making a call or try meeting them. Its not that i don't care but somehow, the days go by and priorities change.

Every festival was a welcome holiday at home. A time to wear a traditional outfit, decorate the portico with rangoli, help my mother in cooking up the delicacies of the day and in the evening, go out in daddy's car to my grandpa's house to meet the other cousins. Thats a dream now for me. If I am not working on a holiday (which is more often the case than not), I am too exhausted to even cook a regular meal, forget making the traditional feast or decorating the place!

As a kid, summer meant 2 whole months of plain, uncorrupted fun, a gang of 40 friends, a mind boggling array of street games, playing on the roads till the light was too dim to sight the ball or till grandma called you for dinner; now, its just another season, only worse- sweat and grime plus routine!

Curious? .. Phenomenal!

The other day, i saw a phenomenal movie-" The curious Case of Benjamin Button". Its really a movie made with a lot of thought into story and screenplay. Its an out-of-the-box concept movie, set in an era of simplicity. The maker doesn't go into the science behind the hero aging backwards but rather shows it in a light of acceptance and reconciliation with the fact. The news of the "monster baby" makes no media headlines. Everything about the movie is so.. so.. simple. there isn't a better word to describe the times- how one wishes that the present would be that simple!

The story also leaves you with a feeling of some gratitude towards life- a lesson to count one's blessings. How often we take the things in our life for granted!How often we forget our "normalcy" is really a gift in itself!

The lead actor's character in the movie is top class. We get to see more of his matured side, as most of the story is set in his early days. The joy he gets out of "scrapping bird shit"!..his remarkable statements on life itself like "realizing the value of earning money while visiting a brothel!" or "the timed description of the heroine's tryst with fate".. all words worth their weight in gold!

Truely impresssive stuff!

Working with the Right Attitude

Every morning as i park my car in the hospital parking lot, a smiling face greets me with a salute and an enthusiastic "Good Morning Madam!"- the parking lot security man.. an aged gentleman, impeccably dressed in his smart uniform, always sporting a cheerful face and attitude. He has the same smiling face and greeting for all the doctors who come his way and at whatever time of the day it might be. I am always struck by the attitude of this old man. His is a thankless job, bearing the heat and rain, he sits on a tiny curb adjoining the car park, "guarding" the cars. Its a boring job of 8 hours, on most days, with nobody giving his as much as a second glance. Yet this man, never seems bored or tired while on the job. He jumps up to guide any driver while they steer the car back or front, chases after young truants who try to get near the parking lot, and never misses to say a few words of small talk to every doctor through their car window. This simple man with the right attitude towards his job, has left a lasting impression on me.

A job, however small or insignificant, deserves its due attention and when we work with the right attitude, we can accomplish greater goals..

A Mother's Resolve

She was a thin, frail-looking lady with a even more frail-looking son. The boy was struck with an incurable disease. She never gave up on her (only) son, but, ran from pillar to post, spending the last of her salvaged money on his treatment. Her doctors advised her otherwise, but she would not heed to them. She was always there by his side, cleaning up his detritus, shunting food down his feeding pipe, holding him tight while he slept. He was once a talented, alert and active 10 year old, like others his age. But the disease had gotten to him, depriving him of his senses and making a vegetable out of him. Still, she would not let her motherly resolve be diminished by the obvious incurability of the disease. The story doesnt have a dramatic ending one would wish it did, but the mother's love for her dying son was truely remarkable.

My first steps into Oncology

This is the first of a new series of posts that i would like to share- experiences while on the job- in my case, a fledging cancer speacialist. Its a job, not many will be willing to take up- for many reasons- poor patient response, dissatisfaction with treatment, frustration of not being able to do more when you want to, and so on and so forth. But somehow, none of these were reason enough for me to heed to the constant peer pressure to reconsider my decision. To a lay man, an oncologist is not so appealing as say, a cardiologist or a neurologist- now they were people who are literally considered gods!.. so whose an oncologist, i was often asked? "Cancer!.. why do you want to study Cancer?".. people asked me baffled at my choice of a career. But, somehow, somewhere a chord had struck, and i knew that i was destined to make this my calling.
My first few days at the department were nothing short of frustrating. I was so confused"why this? why not that?How do you guys decide the protocols? How will i ever remember the drugs?" Everything was new, unexplored territory. It helped to have a supportive work environment that gave me the time to fall in place.
Well, two months of working in the wards has been satiating. Im beginning to understand how the system works and how to make the decisions we take. Im not claiming to have mastered it, but definitely the whole picture seems less hazy now and more transparent!
Anyway, im at the start of a journey that seems to have more experiences to learn from than learn about..

Im my own responsibity now

Its been a while since my last post.. Reason- been busy mostly. New life/new job/new home and with all of it.. new responsibilities. Its like the older you get.. the less carefree your life becomes. Im my own resposibility now. I need to cook my own food, wash my own clothes, clean my own house, and most of all- earn my own money. Its with mixed feelings that i live my life. Happy about my financial independence and seemingly sucessful career but yet, i miss the time and energy that i had for my own fun- now diverted to my new found "responsibilities".
Two and a half months of this, im beginning to realise the gravity of care that my parents and grandparents did for my sakes. Just the sheer task of waking up everyday at 7 is a huge exercise for me. Thinking back of all the years past, my grandma woke up everyday at 5am regardless , to get us all going!. Making coffee or having a decent breakfast is now a luxary. Its bread and cheese if im lucky!.. and coffee at work (if the vending machine is working!). How i miss that warm cup of chocolate beverage waiting for me everyday on the dining table before i rushed off the school/college..the one that i made such a fuss to drink! Its amazing how life comes a full circle!. Its a wonder how my working mother managed to keep our 6 bedroom/9 bathroom(!) home of 6 persons in a sterile condition , while i struggle to keep my tiny 2 bedroon flat clean!. I cant remember a day when my mom complained (even after a hard day's work), that she was too tired/lazy to cook so "lets go out for a meal".. a phrase i so often use here!.
At the end of a day's work, all i can think of, is climbing into that warm queen's bed, cuddle up under the covers and collapse.
Right now, im trying to adapt to the situation the best i can; turn's out my best is still far away from my mom's worst!