Short lived summer of 2013

When things are scarce, they are precious. 

In Germany, sunlight is scarce. For someone, who has lived in the tropics all her life, it is hard to imagine, how something so basic as sunlight can be "scarce"!. But when you live a whole year in Europe, you begin to understand why the "whites" are so sun-crazy. 

In the summer of 2013, I remember, how I would go out to the park with my little one. He would cycle on his little balance bike all around the park. He would play in the sand, digging up dirt, with his sand toys. This summer, he finally conquered his fear of slides. He also learnt to climb ropes. Little did I realize then, how short lived sunny days can be here!.

Its now back to cold, gloomy, gray skies. It feels like the summer was almost not there!. One is left asking, "Wasn't it cold just a few months back and now its back again?!". The park is  now littered with the fall leaves. The weather is too cold to stay outside too long. The slide is almost always wet, from dew or rain. Sigh!. 

As I say "Tschuss" to Germany...

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. – Dalai Lama

Reading this saying today morning on one of my friend's Facebook status updates, made me reminisce about my last year in Germany. I have been very unlucky in more ways than I have been lucky, which is rather unusual for me. Usually there are always more good things to be thankful for, than bad memories while I leave a place. And I usually leave a city I have lived in, in good spirits. But this time, I don't feel the same.

Most of my time has been devoted to child care and living within the four walls of our apartment. Of course, They have been wonderful times- for the first time in my life I have taken out time and energy to spend with a child and that too at planning out meaningful activities, fun and learning time. But it does take a toll on you when there is no life beyond that!.

One of the best things about living here in Europe, was the traveling. Seeing new places always contributes to advancement. And some family trips were time well spent.

I always complain about the amount of time I have spent cooking, cleaning and doing household chores!. When the entire onus of the house management is on ones' shoulders, then even the last minutes before falling asleep, while lying in bed, are full of thoughts, planning out the next meal or essentials for the next day!.

I had an old school friend over at my place for lunch last weekend, who has lived in Germany for 5 years and plans to continue doing so. Of course, it helps that he is single and has no kids!. While he agreed with me that it is not easy to have a social life here, he did suggest that having hobbies helps!. Yes, thats a great idea to get started on friends and you need them here in this cold and grey country!. The ordinary guy on the street in Germany is very polite,  but not really friendly!. They don't make an effort to know more about you or your culture. And for some of them, my inability to speak Deustche is a put-off!. Yes. hobbies are a good way to start, but there was no time for one in all those months of child-care, cooking and cleaning!.

My worst experience has been while I had volunteered to do a clinical
observorship at a local hospital. One would assume that in a professional clinical set-up, I could get around with my knowledge of English!. I mean, thats why, they have an exception of the compulsory- knowledge- of-Deustche rule, for highly skilled professionals!. But, sadly, this was not the case. Not many Germans have mercy for the English speaker!- professional or otherwise!.

My greatest disappointment with Germany has been a sense of non- achievement in life beyond the four walls of my house. I was handicapped by my lack of knowledge of German. I was always tied down by the time cycles of my toddler. But perhaps,in the words of the Dalai Lama, maybe, its good that nothing happened for me here! or .. does that sound like sour grapes!. Time will tell!

As the sun sets on our  journey..

A Superb quote I read on the wall of a children's hospital..

Bangalore- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!

I still cant get myself to say Bengaluru!. It will always be Bangalore for me!. I have often described myself as a diehard Bangalorean!. Although Im not a speaker of the native language of the state- this city has always been "my home". But I haven't lived here since nearly 8 years. I have resigned to being a regular visitor to my city.
Returning this time after a stint abroad, I am in a contemplative mood.

The Good
I love the weather!. Thankfully its still wonderfully pleasant.
I love the way Bangalore has evolved in terms of citizens' parks. They are great places to hang out in the evenings with family.
I love the way so many things happen in the city- from shopping to art to theatre and festivals - you can always find something new and exciting to do every weekend!.

The Bad
Powercuts!- I cant believe we still haven't found a way to solve our power crises issues.
Mosquitoes!- They are naturalized citizens of "Namma city".
Footpaths!- Our roads are bad. But are footpaths are worse. Walking anywhere to anywhere, is  like a pratice run for an obstacle race!. You cant even think of taking your baby out for a stroll in a buggy. Cant imagine how helpless a guy in a wheelchair must feel!.
Autowallahs!- Some rotten apples there. Some refuse you flatly on your face!. Some demand extra fare for travelling at 7 at night!. Some hike up the meter rate as soon as a drizzle begins!. And the worse- one guy just blew his top off when I handed him 100 bucks and asked for change!(say I should have informed him prior to departure that I wasn't carrying exact money!).

The Ugly
The Traffic Sense of people here!- It borders on insanity!. Whats with the incessant honking!. They are maniacs on two wheelers who drive like they are on cocaine. College students, who make use of every flaw in the system to their advantage. Auto-drivers, who make a joke of  traffic rules. And the worse, some crazy mini vans that seem to have no brakes in them!.

Spring is here.. finally!

Everyone tells me I came to Germany during a rather rough season. Worse, winter has never been this bad in Germany in the last 20 years!. Just my luck!. So finally a nice change in weather is a welcome relief for me and my son. After being mostly home-bound in the first 2 months that we were here, (except for the trip to Netherlands), with spring, our routines changed yet again.

Nero started his play school in the beginning of April. All my plans of working during his school hours were dashed when Nero showed no signs of accepting school even after a whole month!. Added to that were repeated episodes of sickness, meaning more sleepless nights for me!.

On the bright side, I could finally do away with my bulky sweater while indoors and I could finally, travel outside without  my trademark super heavy, super bloated wine colored jacket.

Nero's second birthday came and went. We had planned a nice trip to the Stuttgart zoo that day. Unfortunately, weather played spoilsport. It rained cats and dogs that day.

The nice thing about spring is that the days are longer. More sunshine hours means more play outdoors. Suddenly more people became visible outside our window. More kids were playing around. The little park near our house was a hub of activity.

We made a mid week visit to the Spring feast in Stuttgart. This was my little one's first amusement park experience. He spent the evening exploring all the lovely rides in store. It was a fun family day.

Wind of Change

Change is inevitable.. but also tough to accept .. until it becomes a routine. When I went from married working woman to working mother, the change was enormous!. The sleepless nights, the endless breast feeding sessions and the stresses of everyday household affairs took their toll on me and ultimately, I compromised my professional work ethics. I was always late to work, always waiting to leave early, skipping sessions, etc. Now when I look back, I wonder why I never handled the situation better then?. I had fallen into a runt and couldn't get out of it.
Thats exactly, what I want to avoid while I'm here. Again, change has been tough on me but this time, I seeking to control it. I could crib all day and wail and scream that this is not what Im asking for!, but then, who's listening?.Lesson learnt from my last experience- Control the change!.
Years ago, my friends and I had gone for a Scorpions concert in Bangalore, while in college. Now, I'm not a big fan, but I do love their hit song- "Wind of Change". It was the final song that night, and I remember, swaying to the music, with the song on our lips, and mobile phones' torches in hand, (substituting for candle light).

The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

Walking down the street
Distant memories
Are buried in the past forever

Of course, the song is bigger than just a simple pep talk on change. It was symbolic to the end of the cold war and in many ways is a song for all wars and revolts. 

New Place, Old thoughts

So here i am , at the not-so-tender age of 32, sitting in the living room at my apartment in Germany, wondering whats coming into my life in this new year. The past two years have been full of activities and events that, the loneliness of the present amuses me!. I have resigned myself to the role of a full-time MOM to a hyper active 21 month old toddler. Needless to say, its not an easy job, frustrating at times. I can't help but wonder how my grandma managed to take care of me and my brother, single-handedly, while my parents were away at work. I never remember my grandma ever feeling tired or burned out , in all the years that she took care of us. Kudos to her!
Away from the chaos that is India, the silence of a German suburb, is new and unexpected for me. I never thought I would miss the noise that makes up everyday life in India. Right from the car-cleaner ringing your doorbell at 7 A.M, to the servant rattling away as she cooks and cleans, life in India is "full". I never thought sunlight was so rare for people in some parts of the world!. The sight of the sun rays streaming down your window is a welcome sight here!. On the flip side, its clean and green. We never have to worry about power cuts or water running out in the taps.
These days, away from work, the only sense of self-achievement comes from the dishes I cook everyday. Each day,I try out a new recipe or a new way of cooking an old one. Cooking is as fascinating as chemistry to me. We mix, grind, blend, saute, fry and deep fry all kinds of ingredients. It makes the mundane routine of daily life more appealing.

Anyways, while i'm here, I plan to master a few recipes, travel a bit and spend quality time with my son. A good exposure on my work front would be a bonus!. Lets see whats in store for this year!.

The Resurrection

I'm back!..after 9 months of child bearing and 1 year into motherhood.. i can finally say.. what a year it was!..The joy of carrying my son in my arms on the hospital bed soon progressed to sleepless nights, endless sessions of breast ಫೀಡಿಂಗ್, changing diapers and later running after a crawling infant. Surprisingly, the memories have faded fast- i can hardly remember how i coped with those "colicky nights|" or balanced my work and home. Of course, I could not have done it without the support of my mother- i shall forever be indebted to her. 

The cuckoo shall call again! ಶೋರ್ಟ್ಲ್ಯ್!

Scale down the Security checks!

Ever been to a 5-star hotel today for dinner of late? Ever been through the rigorous security checks at the entrance? I just had one bitter experience at the gates of a star hotel today- the guard questioned me at length about where I was headed, had me open the car hood both front and back,switch off the engine and open all doors while a "commando" dog sniffed along the compartment. Only then, would he open the gates!. I can imagine that some of you many be very satisfied with this protocol and argue that all this is necessary in this time and age. Something better than nothing my friend said, as I narrated this experience.

I am not so sure that we have done the right thing when the media went into a frenzy post 26/11, and pulled up star hotels for not keeping adequate security checks for visitors, with the objective to prevent more 26/11s. The point is "will all this security keep the terrorist out?" or "is it just a traumatizing experience for the common man as those it was intended for will sneak through anyway ?"

I am not too happy when I walk through the security check at the airport, and wait while a complete stranger scans my baggage. Neither am I pleased about being frisked in some tiny enclosure, and the lady in there, runs her hands suspiciously over everything from the chain around your neck to the house key in your pocket. Even multiplexes will not spare you from this experience!.. imagine a evening at the movies includes a metal check+frisk!

One also travels on the railways and in buses, where these measures are not employed, and its not like trains and buses are being bombed on a daily basis!

So, can we really scale down security checks!..thats my appeal. Shocking as it may seem.. I do feel that although we live in a time when, terrorism has become the fastest growing industry, individuals should be respected and privacy ensured. Anyone who walks into a hotel or gets onto a plane (in fact the vast majority!), will not posses any malicious intentions. There is no need to treat everyone like a criminal!.

I still remember as a child, going to the airport to see someone off, was as good as a trip to the circus. There was an enclosure at the airport, that allowed family and friends to watch the planes land and take off. There was real emotion when one saw a loved one wave that final good bye from the door of the aircraft, disappear inside, and minutes later the flight would take off for the skies. Nowadays, if you so much as go within a few yards of the entrance without a ticket in hand, you are hauled up by the security, for crossing the line!. And one is expected to put up with all this uncalled for abuse, because "it better this way, for everybody!".

Perhaps we can never get rid of it. but maybe we can do it more discreetly..

Life starts at 30?

Touching 30?.. don't fret... because life for some (like myself) is only starting at 30. For the first time in my life I have a steady salary, appropriate responsibility and freedom to live as I would like to. Thanks to my profession, I have been late to get on to this bandwagon of independence- but like they say- better late than never!.

I feel liberated at 30!. Its like reaching life's prime- at a time when you have the sense to enjoy life responsibly yet passionately!. What can be more wonderful?

For instance, I made a rather big (for me) purchase last week - an air conditioner- that I have been meaning to buy in a while. It felt good to be able to pay for your own needs. It felt good to be treated to a bit of luxury- something I was rather averse to when spending my parent's money. Yes , life is definitely beginning for me at 30!

My husband is also touching 30 (earlier than i am). He is also enjoying his new found sense of success. He is growing in every bit of confidence, becoming more obsessed with his appearance and more concerned about his career than he ever was.

They say, age is but a state of the mind. How true! If you thought that your 20s was the best part of life, think again, the 30s may just be better!. The 20s is like the thrill of driving a F1 car at breakneck speed down the convoluted race track with crashes/ near misses and sometimes podium finishes. The 30s, is like racing a Merc on an empty highway along a beach- thrill of a different kind, with you always in control.

Social Networking.. boon or bane?

I sometimes wonder if social networking is really a good thing after all.. on the good side it does help to reconnect with ol' friends and it is a easy interface to keep in touch.. but on the flip side .. like everything else about our times, i wonder if it is pressurizing people to look/act/feel a certain way, invading privacy, and making fake projections of people rather than show them in their true light.

For instance, who hasn't selected their best looking pics to upload on to their profile.. more likely ones that have been digitally modified in some way!. A weekend trip is now a photo shoot for some- just to take cool pics to post on their pages. There is always a constant pressure to "look" or "make a show " of being a" successful" or "cool" personality- and the best part it is not easy to "pretend" to be having a lot of fun/success. A ol' college batchmate- you didn't even bother giving him a second glance while in college- posts a pic of himself standing proudly next to a Merc- and you wonder how in God's name did "he " of all people shoot up the ladder of success so fast! A rather conservative girl from school posts a picture of herself in a revealing outfit-somethin' you could never think you would wear yourself!. Are these all fake?- you question yourself. Sure, people change- but why do they all love exhibiting it online?? This alarming attitude of many social net-workers to weave a blanket of "fun- success- money" around themselves and the pressure on their peers to follow up with the same is troubling.

April showers!.. what joy !

Just as the temperature soared to new highs, and just when we had zeroed in on a brand of air-conditioner to buy- a welcome burst of rain came visiting today afternoon! Cool breeze , the lovely smell of fresh mud and falling petals of flowers filled the air- a mesmerizing treat in the middle of the hottest summer my body has known!. Rain always has a uplifting effect on my mood. Especially the one that comes light and breezy- just the perfect answer to unbearable heat.

Life at 30..

"Give me some sunshine,

Give me some rain,

Give me another chance-

I want to grow up all again!"

This lovely song reminds me of how fast life gushes past you- and before you know it- you are touching 30!- the age you once thought was for only aunties and uncles! I can't believe how all those years have just gone like a flash.

I can still vividly remember coming home one summer morning, with my class 2 progress report in hand. The term was over. I proudly announced to everyone at home that I was soon going to be in class 3, which then, for me was a step towards being a grown -up!. Its amazing how we go through life always wanting to be a grown-up, and now when we are there,  how we keep wishing the years never went by so fast!.

Life was full of fun and games as a child. Life was simple- just our regular street games with peers from the locality- no talk about "Playstation" or "Wii"!. Television was restricted to the national brand- "Doordarshan"- an occasional "Surabhi" or "Chitrahaar"- never a 24X7X100 channel- hours of entertainment. Clothes were modest- mostly hand picked by Mom or meticulously sewn by Grand Ma- fashion was never dictated by "current trends" or seasonal flavour- and best of all- one was never under pressure to "look the times"!.

College was even better- a wonderful gang of friends, always there to provide the laughs at regular intervals. College was a laid-back study period- when exams came and went by slowly, and the fun never seemed to stop ever!. The maddening birthday treats, the silly games, the evening round-ups in front of the library.

Thirty was the age, we as kids and even in our youthful days, perceived as the time when all the fun in life stops, and when the drudgery of everyday routine overcomes you. When kids, career and money become the prime focus of your life. In a way, thats probably true- I don't think I can drive down to the nearest dhabha for lunch on a split second decision anymore or spend a hour each with 3 different guys on the phone discussing their issues with other women! (I have done these and more!).

I don't live on impulse and instinct anymore. But i still feel very young at heart- I feel no different than when i was 21 or 25. I have the same zeal for fun. Its a pity that you are physically young and free for just about a decade in your life. Either the biological clock is ticking or the career bandwagon is waiting for you to climb on quick!. I wish I had another 5 years before the "real 30s" came calling.

Spirited Start to my Day

There is nothing more relaxing than to be able to read the Sunday newspaper in total leisure, without worrying about being late to work or elsewhere.

I'm forced to get up early even on a Sunday, because my housemaid is an early bird. She rings my bell at 7 A.M sharp! How i loathe to get out of bed so early on a Sunday! As i rub my eyes and lazily open the door, the sight of the Sunday newspaper on my doorstep, lifts my spirits. Immediately, i forget how early it is or the fact that my sleep was rudely interrupted (while my husband peacefully snores away in bed) and i become excited about having 2 whole hours to flip through my favorite newspaper- The Sunday edition of "Times of India".

Newspapers are an obsession with me. There was a time when i could not comprehend the joy people got from reading small font black print, in random sized boxes, with an occasional picture. Then i was too young for newspapers. I don't know when i got the whiff of reading newspapers- but now it is definitely an obsession!

My favorite part is reading the editorials. I keep the best for the last. Reading those wonderfully framed articles, analyzing the affairs of the nation, keeps me hooked. Of late i'm reading the business page, in a vain attempt to understand money ebb and flow.

It is said the world's first newspaper came into being in 1605, in Germany. In India, the first newspaper came into being in 1780- The Bengal Gazette. India consumed 99 million newspaper copies as of 2007—making it the second largest market in the world for newspapers!

Dream on..

Dreams, they say, are the minds' way to bypass the self-imposed censor of our conscious mind and play out unfulfilled desires in our subconscious space.

Holiday Fever

This has been one tough month.. started out on a really low note!.. and then was really stressed out for most of the time.. haven't shopped once(!) this entire month.. for the first time ever, am doing back-to-back night shifts, which are only making my dark circles darker!.. haven't watched as many movies as i usually do.. and to top it all.. i haven't made my three-weekly visit to the parlour, as a result of which, i'm feeling like a bear! Wheeew!

Finally today, actually feeling a bit relaxed, but wish i could have made it for my cousin's wedding this weekend (haven't decked up for an occasion in ages!).. but feeling guilty about taking off more days from work!..

Just the sheer fact that i can look forward to a holiday tomorrow is keeping me in good spirits. Its really too bad that doctors suffer from a holiday-deficit. I really envy my friends working in corporate houses, who live the typical 5 day/week work schedule with weekends off!..come Saturday, and they are all making plans for the weekend- Dandeli/ Goa etc.

Doctors, on the other hand, would be lucky to be exempted for Sunday rounds or duty!..we are expected to be committed towards duty 24X7.

Anyway, not really complaining, because in reality, i miss my work, when i'm away from it too long.. and sometimes even two days is too long!

Laughing out Loud!

Beautiful Quote in today's newspaper- the first thing that made me laugh out loud today- "The only difference between the taxman and the taxidermist, is that, at least the taxidermist, leaves the skin on!"

Laughing out loud!.. the quintessential emotion to have a good day.. can really be a blessing in these hectic times. Forget, stopping to smell the roses. we barely make the time to eat a healthy breakfast, these days! There is something about laughter and good company that makes your day complete- you may have worked your ass off the whole day, let your temper fly on a few unfortunate souls, have the worst luck at you favorite past time, and yet, there is something about "laughing out loud' that can smooth all that.

Health Care Reform

Healthcare in India is an industry in want of good management. The onus of providing this precious service has been divided between the private and public institutions. The public institutions are overburdened, under-financed, and notoriously mismanaged. The private institutions cannot claim to be any better. Although they provide a better work culture, they are famous for over pricing and over-investigating.

The poorest of the poor are always the worse affected by these policies. Disregarded by the government hospitals and drained of all savings by the private hospitals they are at the receiving end at all times.

The government in some states, has taken steps to fund the expenses of healthcare for BPL families by providing health packages. Although well intentioned, this is like most government policies is bereft of forethought for possible repercussions. An old adage summarizes this policy- "give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you have feed him for a lifetime". Anything handed out on a platter, for grabs, is always ignored for value. Anything worked for or fought for is valued beyond its true price.

These schemes are also exploited by many- some who use it to obtain free healthcare not appropriate for their income, some who pocket money meant for medicines/services rendered and others who take kickbacks for referring the poor souls to an institution that would ultimately benefit from the ingress of money to its coffers.

No scheme involving large amounts of money can be adequately insulated in India from corruption. Unless we incorporate good work ethos and eliminate poverty- which cannot ever happen overnight- we are slaves to corruption!

How then, can we hope to implement better health care to our masses?

Instead of putting lump sums of money into schemes that concentrate on referral and private/public tertiary care setups, we must build around a three-tier system of healthcare with most of the finances and maximum emphasis on the base of the pyramid- the rural health care centres and district healthcare centers. A large chunk of problems can be tackled by these setups itself- if adequately staffed and equipped. Private setups in the rural areas must be encouraged- with incentives such as tax-free holidays (on the lines of IT companies); these centers must be monitored for quality of care by independent responsible observers. Medical colleges must be ordered to adopt a district level hospital and dispense the required heath care to all subjects in that district. Tele-conferencing between district level physicians and those at the tertiary care center must be offered for counselling regarding difficult to treat cases. Unless this kind of infrastructure is in place, it would be meaningless to deploy fresh medical graduates in the grass root centers by compulsion.

Private and public hospitals in two-tier and three-tier cities must be the next target of the government health policies. Only by reducing the burden (by diverting simple-to-treat case to the district level) on these institutions first, can we begin their reconstruction. Strict monitoring of health services dispensed must be undertaken to ensure quality care.

The final priority of the government must be the public institutions in the metros. These must focus primarily on specialized services and advanced training. Soaps and services must parallel the private healthcare setups to be able to survive the economics of the times.

Divide and Rule

Remember that ol' British policy that we read in our history books-"Divide and rule"- seems like its no longer history!.. In India today, politicians are clamoring for separate states, divisive policies and vote bank politics.

While the cries for "Telangana" in Andhra Pradesh show no signs of reversal, anti-North Indian sentiments are being voiced by Marathi political honchos (no surprise that both these issues are being raised by politicians not currently in power- obviously with the single-minded focus to attract a category of voters).

No party can claim to be "truly universal"- the Left in Bengal bats for the "labor" classes, and of late, has pulled out a religion based reservation policy, which no doubt is to appease the large Muslim refugee population in the state. The Congress has always been the cunning fox in any policy- pulling out all kinds of soaps to pacify its vote base. The BJP is probably the party that has made it preferences most obvious since its inception- always playing the Hindu card to perfection.

India today is at the behest of such hare-brained polices of those who sit in the seats of power. If we have become a player at the world stage in the recent past, it is not "due to" these policies but rather, INSPITE of them!

If only we had better sense prevailing in our political class, we would have reached our current position, decades earlier. Still "aall is not so unwell", as the Gen-Next of Indian Politics is showing signs of sound judgement. One hopes that some sense will soon put an end to all this nonsense!

Flashback Mode

Another year goes by, another end-of-the-year time is upon us, when all media channels and newspapers put up their self made flashbacks about the year gone , and God save us this year!, the "decade" gone by too!. We have the "Top 10" movies/fashion trends/personalities/tech gizmos/ scientific breakthroughs and even the biggest forgettable moments of the year!. Its instant eye-grabbing "news", splashed across the front pages of newspapers or telecast at prime time on news channels. Its memory recall time for the public. When one reads or watches these things- we wonder- "that happened this year!".. "that movie i liked so much, how come its not on the list?".

Well, im going to make my list too, called "top 5 things i loved about this year" Here goes..

1. Getting my first decent paycheck. Making enough money to live out of. Its about time, i'd say!

2. Learning a whole new subject that is a unexplored dungeon for most other doctors. Oncology is a warehouse that never runs out of new machines rolling into the foyer each day!

3. Getting back to working in the wards after a 8 month hiatus- doing justice to my degrees.

4. Living out of a hotel room for 2 whole weeks!.. in amchi Mumbai!..

5. Being the DINK couple (Double Income No Kids!) and enjoying the togetherness with few responsibilities.